A to Z

Gue ada di titik dimana semua hal terasa membosankan, nothing really convince me, neither food nor music. Semuanya, I dunno what is happening right now. I mean why am I feeling this way? why am I live this kind of life? what drove me here? and why can't I get my self out of this situation? this is all are so annoying. I will be honest, I dunno what I really want, not even for a lunch or my life. You may call me helpless, hopeless, but the thing is all of this shit is so blurry for me. I see people and my friends, someone that I know, social media friends are showing off their activity, their progress, and anything but here I am typing about how lazy, stupid and helpless my self. I used to dream a lot but at this time, I mean nothing I really want. Not even a shining placard or bunch of money and fame. What is going on with myself is what I'm questioning about. I try to solve this, surely it is temporary, right? how am I supposed to live with this kind of motivation. I don't even have one. God! is this how you feel when you turning as an adult? like you got so many concern and things to think, yet those fucking consideration and people and responsibility. Lately, I've been said this repeatedly that I do not ready for this and hell no I really am. I mean look how my friend been going with their achievement, and am just licking all my word and find myself waking up late every day. Shame on me! Where all those spirits gone? Were they been there, to begin with? I dunno. Damn! this is frustrating. I just start to make many excuses for not doing something. Why am I such a trash?! already? really? How am  I going to show my self up in front of my parents?  this thought is killing me. Let see what it is all about:
a. I have a bad daily routine activity,
b. had too many consideration toward reckless things,
c. way too much thinking,
d. a professional daydreamer,
e. a lets-do-this-later kind of person,
f. an entertainment over studying,
g. a silent majority ((just because I do not want to care)),
h. but, will think about it later and regret it soon,
i. a lets-make-it simple and go home,
j. an overconfident but lose at the end,
k. a thousand times think before doing,
l. a lets-take-a-rest for a while,
m. zero motivation,
n. a self-oriented,
o. a regreting type after not even trying,
p. a good future planner, but,
q. not doing a single thing and fail at the end,
r. a selfish and full of jealousy human,
s. a crab for always complaining,
t. a blank vision about what to do,
u. an I-do-not-want-to-hear-your-comment,
v. a non-religious soul,
w. a zero-affection mind and body,
x. a fickle mind
y. a satisfying loser,
z. a girl who live an awkward romance

A to Z, final thought?